Stuff Archives

First thing is to congratulate Jimmie Johnson and Chad Knaus on their sixth NASCAR title. There's absolutely no question that these guys are the team to beat and it looks likely to stay that way for the foreseeable future. Next would be to congratulate me on winning my NASCAR fantasy competition yet again. This year was even more impressive as it appears that I was the only one playing. Several others picked teams at the beginning of the season, but I was the only one who stayed on top of it and changed drivers throughout. That said, I didn't actually win very easily. Owen made some inspired picks that really panned out for him. Kurt Busch in the 78 Furniture Row car was definitely a highlight of the season managing to make the chase, but unfortunately didn't win a race. Another drive who failed to win a race was my very own Juan Pablo Montoya who exits NASCAR and returns to Indy Car next year. This does put me in a predicament of having to pick a new driver to support. I have to be honest, this is something I'm struggling with as I tend to be very loyal, so whoever I pick will likely get my support until they exit the sport. Do I go for one of the existing drivers or pick one of the upcoming stars? We will have to wait and see.

So, in this wonderful digital age, the school disseminates information via email to the parents. Now, I will be the first to admit that I'm probably not the model parent when it comes to reading what's going on at school. I tend to take the quick glance, see if anyone got shot and if not, delete it as it's probably not that important.

Well, I received an email a couple of weeks back saying to sign up for important text messages. I have to say I was a little skeptical as most people's definition of important is probably not the same as mine. Unless it needs to be sown back on, it's probably not that critical. However, I overcame my fear of being bombarded by pointless text messages and signed up. And I have to say I was wrong as it went about two weeks before I got a text and I didn't get spammed with messages about little Johnny successfully wiping his bottom before pulling up his trousers and pants ... admittedly a skill I still struggle with today.

And last night it came ... the first important text message. What was this oh so important message. I actually have no idea. I got a text message to let me know to check my email for important information that had been sent out.

I have to wonder how much money the school spent on putting in this text message relay system. And even more wonder at the genius that came up with this system of emailing me to alert me to texts that alert me to emails. Well, I'm going to boycott the next bake sale if that's how they're going to spend my money is all I can say.

Following the last article I posted on not playing with your ring, I was in a meeting the other day talking about general tactics on how to approach a client. It was suggested that “we should go helmet to helmet with them”. I'm hoping this is an American Football term and simply translates as going head to head with them. However, it was all I could do to hold in the urge to shout “not bloody likely!”

So, I was on this this leadership training course and they were giving advice on how to do effective presentations. All the good stuff around eye contact, hand gestures and all of that. Been there, seen it, done it, but always good to get a refresher every now and then. They also covered the what not to do, wringing or clasping hands, staring at hands etc. etc. Well, there are some things that just don't translate too well. The one piece of advice that caught my attention and I don't think I've heard before ....

“Don't play with your ring.”

I'm sure I was the only person in the room who started to chuckle to themselves, followed immediately by the though “but what if it's really itchy?” Sensing that this question would not be appreciated by either the group or the trainer, I decided to keep it to myself, but I did start to think about whether this advice should be adhered to the letter or if there were areas of grey. Clearly, the hand down the back of the trousers with deep scratch followed by a sniff ... probably a no and you'd probably lose your audience. But what about when you stand up and your underwear's trapped wedgie style in your crack. Is it OK to do a quick pluck?

Again, fearing that this question would not be valued by my colleagues, I decided to keep it to myself as one of those paradigms to ponder every now and then.

I met up with someone in the morning for a coffee and on the way back into the office there was a homeless person who had climbed up a pole and was holding a no entry sign to ransom. I actually video'd about 25 minutes. I've cut it down to 5 minutes, but it's still probably a bit long. After you've seen the beginning, it's kind of repetitive, although the end does show a friend of the person up the pole losing it.

Take a look if you're bored, but the summary is that guy goes up a pole. I hung around for 3 police cars, 2 fire engines and 1 ambulance ... along with the workers that were doing whatever work was being done to the utilities ... so quite a lot of people ... standing around watching someone up a pole about 7ft off the ground. There were several cries of “tazer his ass” from the crowd that gathered, like me, to video the event ... presumably hopeful that something grim would happen and you'd be the one to catch it on camera. Nothing happened whilst I was there except the street got closed to cars. I'm guessing the assessment was that this guy didn't represent a threat to the public so rather than bring him down and clear up the scene, it was left for him to either come down or fall down (I don't know which as I'd gone).

Can't help thinking ... how much tax do I pay and how much is an ounce of lead? Welcome to San Francisco!

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!! How to make a fart hurt someone.

So, anyway, I was at work right and I went up to a female that I work with and they'd quite clearly farted just before I rolled up. Well, either that or they'd shit themselves, but I'm giving the benefit of the doubt here. Anyway, as painful as it was for me to stand in the stench zone, it was quite clear that she needed to drop another one .... so I stood talking to her. Even to the extent of walking two steps away three times and then turning back round to add something to the conversation.

There was something satanical about watching how contorted her face kept going as the pocket of air was trying to force its way out. Along with how tightly someone could cross their legs.

I have to admit that when I finally left I was rather disappointed that I didn't hear the biggest trouser rip behind me as the air once again filled with fug.

So, today was William's first day out fishing and I'm really impressed that he managed to keep his attention for most of the time we were there (a total of about 6 hours). Well, attention for most of the time except for the part where he fell in, but at least it was a warm day. Although falling in was caused with trying to sneak round the other side of the reeds to fire maggots at my float with the “slingshot”. Oh well, still was a good day and here are the pictures to prove it along with my mate Mat and his kid JJ.

I just spent somewhere in the region of $8m on a new camera and some lenses. I was in the process of setting it up and trying to figure out how it worked and in walked my son from swimming and then proceeded to strip. Here's the first picture with my new camera.

As most people will have read, I've posted a few vote questions about Fish-O-Mania a few weeks back. More along the lines of the fact that I was thinking about trying to enter next year. Hopefully ... I have it recorded so can watch it when I come back to the UK in a couple of weeks, but knowing my old fellow's technical abilities, I'm sure something will have gone wrong and I'll have 6 hours of Coronation Street instead.

Anyway, that's not the reason for this post. I've been following a Dan Blackwell online. I try to watch a few YouTube videos during the week so I can learn different methods and maximize the time I get on the bank when I come back home and get the chance to go out. I started watching videos of Steve Ringer, Tommy Pickering and Bob Nudd as well as many others that have some great stuff out there where you can learn so much. I came across a video by Dan and have to say when I started to watch it, I nearly turned it off thinking “what's this kid going to tell me.” I ended up watching the video and thought “hold on a minute, this kid knows his stuff and the video's pretty well put together.” I watched a few of his videos and have now watched all of them I'm sure. They're published under minnowmaster209 and well worth watching.

As much as I was hoping to watch the Fish-O-Mania competition when I came back home without knowing the results, I saw a post from Dan that he'd won the junior competition. Really need to take my hat off to this kid for doing such a great job of the fishing videos and working to get this thoroughly deserved win. Also think his dad (or whoever shoots the videos) needs a big shout out for the patience and doing a great job of that.

Here's the short video of Dan picking up his trophy:



Probably not the most interesting video, so here's on of him catching carp on the pole and feeder. If you're interested in that sort of thing.

So .... a few weeks back, William came home with a school project to grow a sunflower. In the typical interest of a child, his attention lasted about a day and half before he got completely bored with it, however, Karen picked this up as a mission. I'd like to say this was to be her crowning glory to prove that she could indeed look after flowers.

Now, I will admit that my talents in this area are severely limited, but I do have 100% record with flowers. I've never tried to grow any and therefore have never failed. Simples!

Anyway, there were two of these sunflowers and they seemed to be doing really well. One of them had grown quite thick and had several flowers. The second one had grown taller and was looking like it was just about to flower. I can't remember exactly when I last saw them, but I thought all was well as I headed to Seattle on Monday.

I came back from Seattle late Wednesday afternoon and when I went into the kitchen, was quite surprised as to what had happened to these monuments of Karen's horticultural abilities. Clearly what happened is my fault. I know that, but I'm really not sure what I did to them and haven't asked as am not really sure I want to find out. I'm still maintaining plausible deniability on account of the fact that I was in a different State. And no, not just a state of denial, but physically in a different State.

The first image shows the two plants together and then the next two images are close ups of the one that had started to bloom.


My best guess on this one is that the plan changed from becoming a gardener into focusing more on expression art. I believe this now to be some kind of post modern representation of our marriage. I'm not sure it really needs any further commentary.

As for the second one ....


The mind boggles a bit here. I do know that I may have upset her a little in the week as we are finalizing a point in the divorce, but I didn't think it was that bad. When I look at the poor plant, it seems as if she went outside and bit its head off in some crazed Alan Titchmarsh meets Ozzy Osbourne kind of way.

I'm sure there's another explanation, but I kind of like mine. Visions of Karen losing her mind and running down the street believing that she's chasing Triffids and biting the heads off the neighbors plants.